Shade is a problem. Do you want to shade the house or just a small section of the yard to sit under? Perhaps a grape arbor instead of trees? Owned by you or the neighbor? Anything that gets big enough to provide shade will take several years to reach that point. (Grape vines grow quickly.) At that time the tree branches will potentially be too close to the houses. Since you're not there in the winter, I guess you don't care about "privacy year round". Lilacs, as suggested above, will fill in fairly quickly. Rhododendrons can make a nice barrier, but grow horizontally as well as vertically. Once they reach 6-8' tall they also start spreading horizontally. Green year round, nice flowers. In many areas, Arbor Vitae make a nice wall. Plant a row on your side, neighbor plants a staggered row on his side. Slow growing, but not much spread. Buying, say 5'-6' tall for any extended distance may get expensive. 3' tall will take some time to grow. In the old days, 50's
and 60's, people would plant California Privet as a hedge. Cheap, grows quickly, but requires routine trimming.
You can stagger fence sections, some on your side, some on the neighbor's and do some decorative plantings in the gaps.
I don't see an easy solution for shade trees in the space/time available, at least if you want to sit under it and sip ice tea.
Buy from a local nursery. The big box stores tend to buy stock that is ordered for all of New England, not for truly local conditions.
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