This is a more than useful thread.
Your original post, clearly/concisely/personally expressed, has struck an obvious chord for many of us.
I, too, am now experiencing similar circumstances. It is a mentally draining process and a familially destructive pill.
As each scenario presents its own problems there is, of course, no one size fits all solution. The thoughts/information being discussed here are immensely interesting and thought provoking.
Geez!