For Sale: Attabodabad Executive Estate

With the demise of Osama Bin Laden, I was wondering if the local Attabodabad real estate agents have converged on the scene yet? After all, this could be a lucrative listing for some experienced agent that knows how to put just the right spin on things. A sale like this could keep him in goat milk for years.

The first step will be to contact the owner of this fine estate. I am not sure if they have a registry of deeds in Attabodabad so they can go and find out who actually owns this prime piece of property. I’m not sure if they even have deeds? Maybe most people there are squatters, as it seems like Osama had been squatting there for the last six years. In NH, you have to be a squatter for 20 years to own the property you are occupying. It is also called adverse possession. You have stay on the property continually, improve the property, and be open and notorious about being there. Maybe Osama was going for that. He certainly was notorious, but he wasn’t very open about being there. He had 14 more years to go and he needed to start improving the place a little instead of burning garbage in back yard. That’s against the law in NH you know…

Anyway, the agents need to find out who the owner is. I never have heard, have you? If Bin Laden actually owned or had money in the place (which I doubt), they need to check and see if his spouse, spouses, harem, or whatever are on the deed as joint tenants with rights of survivorship. Oh… I’m sorry, I forgot. Women don’t have any rights over there…
Once Attabodabad Realty LLC lists the property they are faced with a couple of real dilemmas. First, the property is the best house on the street, but that really isn’t saying much. Come on, really, they originally said the house was worth a million dollars. I wonder who did that appraisal? According to Abbottabad property dealer Muhammad Anwar, a 22-year veteran of the hot local market, it is worth "Twenty million rupees, maximum. (about $250,000—that’s still too much in this market) No swimming pool. This is not a posh area. We call it a middling area." Osama apparently didn’t go swimming, at least until the end.

The home clearly has no curb appeal and it looks pretty much like a three story mud hut. Butt ugly. HGTV’s Curb Appeal has their work cut out for them on this one. The floors are stained and the wall have lots of holes in them so they are really going to have to spruce up the inside, too.

But the real problem is finding a buyer. Who would want to live there now? Attabodabad was previously ranked #1 as the Best Terrorist Hide Out Spot at the HAMPLOT annual convention (that’s the worldwide meeting of Hezbollah, al Qaeda, Muslim Brotherhood, Palestine Liberation Organization, and Taliban). Certainly that ranking has dropped considerably lately as no other respectable terrorist would want to hang out there now. It’s amazing how things change overnight! But, who else over there could afford such a spread? Oh yeah, government officials. Hopefully, we will be cutting of the $3 billion in aid we send to the Pakistanis and that would mean that those skimming off the top are going to have to cut back on personal spending. This could send the Pakistani housing market (if there is one) into a tailspin.

I suspect that the agents may try to capitalize on the commercial or historical value of the property. I would. Perhaps some enterprising investor would want to create a museum or tourist attraction of sorts. Unfortunately, they may have to go before the mullahs to get the zoning changed from THZ (Terrorist Haven Zone) to NRC (non resort commercial) and a zoning change is no more guaranteed over there than it is here. Would an investor go to the meeting with an explosive vest on just in case he doesn’t get his way? One would hope…



The best thing that could happen to this particular piece of property would be an urban renewal project, if you can consider that dust bowl to be urban. Perhaps we could help out with that project by sending in the B-52’s to level the compound. I think our boys would be happy to help. And, I’m sure as heck happy to be selling property in NH instead of over there. As difficult as it is here, it is way better than what they have got over there.

So on this Memorial Day, remember the soldiers that “evicted Bin Laden” and those that have fought and died to give us our freedom and protect us from those that want to take it away…


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